The Powerful Influence of Women

The following is the talk given by Sister Deborah Draper, at the February 7, 2009 Vancouver, WA West Stake Releif Society Conference...


My dear sisters of the Vancouver WA West Stake, I love you. What an exciting time it is to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and a member of Relief Society. I am so humbled to be among you wonderful women and feel of your love and support. These past few weeks I have listened to this beautiful women’s choir practice and felt the spirit of this music. I know you feel it today as well. Thank you to these sisters who sacrificed time and talent to prepare the music for this meeting. Thanks also to the wonderful women who planned the meal we will have and decorated the cultural hall. I’m thankful to serve with these sisters on the stand. They love you as well and you will feel their love.

We meet today, much more alike than we are different. One thing I love about the temple is there we all dress alike. We are all daughters of Heavenly parents, we have all made covenants with Him, we have families that we love and cherish, we are striving to live and teach the gospel. We are sisters in this great Relief Society. Sometimes we focus too much on our differences. We are different and unique. Those differences help us lift and sustain each other. I get energy
watching the new young single adult join RS. I thrill watching a young mother cradle her children. I can share experiences with parents of teenagers. I learn so much from those who are
further down the path of life than I am. Alike - each of us lives in a home - a sacred place. In the Bible dictionary under temples it says, “Only the home can compare with the temple in
sacredness.”

More than 35 years ago, Satan launched an all-out attack on the family. He targeted women. That war rages on today, on an even greater scale, attacking all that is sacred in a family. It is
the world Paul described to Timothy: “This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.” (2 Timothy 3:1-5) That list describes our day. There are other problems that bombard families. Economic and financial distress, serious health concerns and other things that cause us to lose hope. WE CAN NOT!! With all of this chaos abounding in the world we must make our homes safe havens from its affects. In Helaman 5:12 we read, “And now my sons
remember, remember, that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and The Powerful Influence of Women “Only the home can compare with the temple in sacredness.” Bible Dictionary endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fail.”

One day one of my younger sons came home from school and even before I had a chance to ask him about his day he asked if it was a good day or bad day. I questioned him about his query and
he said, “Well, some days are bad days and we get in trouble for everything and other days are good days.” I immediately thought it’s these crazy hormones and then I had to do some self
introspection. There had been those days full of negativity and criticism. I didn’t like myself much at this time. I had created an environment where he did not feel safe to say anything until he found out what kind of “weather” he might meet. I was in charge of the “weather” in my home. Weather is a fascinating thing. It affects everything in my yard in very real ways. Even
hardy blackberry bush canes have been bent to the ground from the weather. What kind of weather exists in our homes? Of course under ideal conditions everyday in our homes would be warm and sunny, with just the right amount of moisture to provide an atmosphere for the best growth of every one in our homes including us. We have the most control over the environment and atmosphere that exists there. Each of our homes is the place where we come to seek shelter from the storm that is all around us. What are we doing in our homes to insure that there is safety there?

Number 1 – let’s be peacemakers. What warmth this would bring to our homes. Following the example of the Prince of Peace we can be as he admonished and be a peacemaker. Christ said, “Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the children of God.” (Matthew 5:9) Blessed means happy, favored, and glorified. The gospel is the plan of life that will restore peace to the world, remove inner tensions and troubles and bring happiness to the human soul. We
can pray in our families for the spirit of peace.

A very wise bishop called several young people into his office and said to them: “I would like you to help me in an experiment. I would like to prove the impact of the influence of one member on the spirit of the family. For one month, I would like each of you to be the peacemaker in your home. Don’t say anything about this to your family, but be thoughtful, kind and considerate. Be an example. Where there is quarreling or bickering among members of your family, do whatever you can to overcome theses faults by creating an atmosphere of love, harmony and helpfulness. When you are irritated – and you will be – control yourself and help the others to control themselves. I would like to see every home in our ward be a bit of heaven on earth.’ I want to meet with you for a report in one month. There was the challenge. One young man said, “I had no idea I would have so much influence in my home. It’s really been different this last month. I’ve been wondering if much of the turmoil and strife we used to have was caused by me and my attitudes.” A young lady said: ‘I guess we were just the normal family with our selfishness causing little daily conflicts. But as I have worked with my brothers and sisters, a lot of this has been eliminated, and there has been a much sweeter spirit in our home. I believe you really have to work at it to have the spirit of peace in your home. Another young lady said, “Yes, there has been a much sweeter and cooperative and unselfish spirit in our home since I began this experiment, but the biggest difference of all has been in me. I’ve tried hard to be a good example and a peacemaker and I feel better about myself than I have ever felt. A wonderful feeling of peace has come over me.”

Would you be willing to try that bishop’s experiment for just one month. No one else in your family will know but you! This year’s mutual theme is taken from 2 Timothy 4:12, “Be thou an
example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.” It can and must start with us. I promise as you try and become a peacemaker in your home that the
rewards will be most gratifying. Warmth and sunshine will come from being a peacemaker.

Number 2 – Express love and reverence or respect. These words of love and respect bring life
giving moisture to a happy home. If everyday our homes “rained” words that built, complimented, praised and encouraged all who live in our homes, what rich growth would take place there. Let’s mostly focus on the good in others. In Ephesians 5, the apostle Paul teaches a great sermon on husbands and wives. In those verses he tells husbands to love their wives and then tells wives to REVERENCE or respect their husbands. Not love, but reverence which in the footnote is respect. Our spouses need respect more than they need love. We are the ones who need love. These are deep feelings that each one in our homes need to feel. People are tender plants. We need much nurturing and tender care. Children need to know and see that mom and dad love each other. They see divorce all around them. Children need to be told every single day how much they are loved. Actions always speak louder than words, so our actions should convey
love. When children begin to fight or quarrel we can let them know that it was really
Heavenly Father who needs us not to allow them to do that. In Mosiah 4:14 we learn that
we have sacred responsibilities as parents to care for our children. “Neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another, and serve the devil, who is the master of sin, or who is the evil spirit which hath been spoken of…he being an enemy to all righteousness.” Those words apply not only to children!! Our homes will be blessed by the positive things we say to each other, in the way we show respect and reverence for each other, our homes and our covenants. Let it rain words of love in your homes every single day.

Number 3 – Avoid criticism and its horrible sister sarcasm. These can be as damaging as heavy wind and hailstones. This kind of weather if allowed in our homes will tear down the esteem of those we love the most. Much of humor in our world is based on sarcasm these days. We think it does no harm, but words can leave a stinging bite. Did you ever stop to think that every time you criticize, you are judging? Again in the Sermon on the Mount the Savior said, “Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged.” (Matthew 7:1-2) Seldom is criticism constructive!! If ever!! It usually belittles and tears down. We even do it to ourselves sometimes. We would not talk to our friends the way we sometimes talk to ourselves.
Criticism stands in the way of being able to forgive. It magnifies faults in ourselves and others and blinds us to the wonderful qualities that are there as well. Our homes must be weatherproofed from these. Neither criticism nor sarcasm has a place in our homes.

Number 4 – Choose to be happy and find joy. Sunshine exists in homes that are happy. We need lots of sunshine. I have on my wall at home a quote from the Prophet Joseph Smith that says, “Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it, and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness and keeping all the
commandments of God.” It was relevant then, and it is relevant now! With such a clear map to happiness why then are there so many unhappy people? At the general women’s broadcast in
September, President Uchtdorf spoke of Happiness being our Heritage. He spoke to all of us that evening when he said he wanted to speak to all who had ever felt inadequate, discouraged or weary. He counseled us to try to find God’s happiness by doing two things that Heavenly Father does to be happy. They were to be creative and compassionate. I testify to you that I have put these to the test. I was one who said I was not creative, but I have found ways to be creative, even doing laundry! I also testify that true happiness comes as we show compassion and love to others.

Service is the vehicle that delivers compassion. Find ways to lose yourself in service to others and like the Lord promises you will find yourself in losing yourself – especially to those in our own homes.

Number 5– Live the gospel - all aspects of the gospel. There is safety and peace in living the
gospel and in so doing we can make sure that the “floods of filth” that run in the streets of our world will not enter our homes. Beware of leaks in our homes where the world could enter. We have the most control of the environment there, so we have to lock out filth in any of its forms – music, TV, DVDs, games, the computer, magazines and even newspapers. Use the commandments as the measuring stick to know what choices to make in your homes for adults as well as children and youth. In the proclamation to the world it says: “Successful marriages
and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work and wholesome recreational activities.” In all things in our homes we should base our choices on what Christ would have us do because he is the foundation of our homes. We cannot think that we can skirt the counsel that living prophets
have given us for years to strengthen our families. That counsel comes with promises. We must attend the temple often. We must have personal prayer, scripture study and time to ponder. We
must have family prayer, family scripture study and family home evening. Not doing so would be like sending our families out into the storms of life with no protective clothing on at all. It isn’t always easy, but we must persevere. Elder Boyd K. Packer said that even with doing these we might lose some of our family members to the wickedness of the world, but with a foundation of these things done at home they will return!!! What comfort that blessing should give us all.

The weather in our homes will improve as we commit to being a little better at being a peacemaker, expressing love and respect, avoiding criticism, choosing to be happy and living the gospel, the foundations of our homes will be strengthened. When the SLC temple was being built there were problems with the foundation. President Young told them that they would have to
start over with the foundation because they were building a temple that would stand through the millennium. We are building homes that house families that we want to last for eternity. Sister Margaret Nadauld said, “Like the temple’s firm foundation, once the family foundation is firmed up and the strength of the family is established, it can be there for eternity. It can endure forever.” We can do it. The Lord will bless us as we build our foundation on Him and trust in his promises. In Isaiah 42 we read, “Fear thou not; for I am with thee; be not dismayed; for I am thy God; I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee. We must build our homes and lives on the cornerstone of Christ. He sent
us here at this time because He knew we could help prepare the earth for His coming. He is where wewill find peace and joy in these times of turmoil.

I testify of that in His Holy name, even Jesus Christ. Amen.

February Message

Dear Sisters,

As I listened to Sister Hadfield commenting at the VT conference on the “Angels Among Us.” I reflected back on the many sisters who have influenced my life and helped me in a positive, uplifting way giving me strength when I needed it most. Either through visiting teaching; by bringing food when I was ill; or just the example they have set by not judging others; by their sacrifices and trials, and their service.

We all tend to be really hard on ourselves and get down because we don’t think we measure up to others, or we think about all the bad things we’ve done or the things we aren’t getting done. We always forget about all the good we have done in our lives, the service given; the trials we’ve been through; and the sacrifices we have all made in behalf of others, either family or friends, in or out of the church.

Our Father in Heaven and the Savior has so much love for us and we are our own worst judges. We need to remember that love and try to share it with others as we can. We do not need to run faster than we have the ability too and not beat ourselves up for being mortal. We will not be perfect in this life and the important thing is to not give up on ourselves and allow others to help us and support us. It is important for us to be forgiving of each other and our weaknesses and try to support each other in any way we can. We are not in competition with each other. We are living in a time of much turmoil and we will need each other in many ways. I grow in love for each of you as I serve in Relief Society and I know how much love Jennifer, Lacee, and Cheryl feel for you all. We pray for you and always have your welfare on our minds.

Sincerely, Sister Yoshioka